Rough++Draft

Something unimaginable that happened during the summer... Setting: Oahu Time: 1993

This summer was like no other.I want to tell you how it happened, where it happened, when it happened... All of that. But for now, let me just tell you that it's something I will most likely remember for the rest of my life.

I think that I should first introduce myself. I'm Ali. Ali Lau. That makes me Chinese. I'm fifteen and I live in Downtown Honolulu, Oahu. My parents own a small shop on Beretania Street, and we live about two blocks away... Every morning at around 5:20, we walk to the shop so that mama and papa can set up. My sister, Aimee, and I usually count money, and my younger brother Aden usually sleeps in the office (he's only four). The shop that we own is called Secrets and Treasures. We specialize in mostly ancient artifacts and that kind of thing. What happens is, my papa takes trips to China usually once a month, and he brings back to Honolulu tons and tons of cool treasures that we then sell. It's a pretty intriguing process when you think about it... So anyway, on school days, my sister and I leave the shop at around 6:30. My mama drives us to school. I go Punahou and my sister goes to Maryknoll, which is right across the street.

Now to get to my story. This was during the summer, so instead of going to school, my sister and I would walk to the shop like usual and then walk back home at around 10:30 when we were //pau*// working. The reason for this was because 5:00 was //way// too early to be getting up during the summer. I always thought of summer as a time to be sleeping in until around eleven at the earliest... If it wasn't for me, I'd probably be waiting at the shop until it closed, which was at four. I remember when I got into this //huge// debate with my parents about how it wasn't fair that I had to work all day during the summer. I eventually convinced them to let me and my sister go home after we finished working.

Well one day, as my sister and I were walking home, I noticed a man. Now usually I would never be afraid of a guy like him. You don't understand. I'm never the one to be scared. I mean, when I was five, I wasn't even scared about any monsters, or giants, or anything like that... And when I grew older, I was never afraid of getting robbed when I walked at Waikiki at night. Or of the homeless people that lived on the beaches. It was kind of weird. But this guy, for some reason, totally gave me the creeps. I would look at him, and shots of icy-coolness would shoot throughout my veins. The thing is, he was wearing some kind of a strange, white trench coat. I don't know. I mean, who wears coats in Hawaii? And especially in the //summer//? He was also wearing this really strange hat. I'll explain it in complete detail: It was a brimmed hat. The hat itself was white, like that coat of his, but there was also a red trim along the brim of the hat. The hat was what freaked me out the most. I don't know how to explain it. It kind of looked like he was trying to hide something, but the hat was what made me suspect that in the first place.

So anyway, this man was standing across the street when I spotted him. He stood real casual and all, and he even bought himself a paper from the stand next to him. I watched him really closely, because I never saw him before, and he seemed really out of place. At the same time though, I was really nervous. And //so// confused. I'm telling you... Never before had I been so paranoid about someone like him. I mean, if you saw him, you probably would have just walked right past him. But for some reason I just could //not// get over him. My sister and I turned right on Aipala Street, around the corner to our apartment. He was out of sight by the time we reached the lobby of our building, but he still wasn't far from my mind. I couldn't blur the image of that bright, white coat that was draped mysteriously over his shoulders. Or that //hat//, especially.

At 10:30 sharp the next morning, I walked home as usual. This time though, I was all by myself, because my sister left with a friend to go to //Walls// in Waikiki. Her friend, Stacey, picked her up at around 10 and they went to //Walls// because she said that she needed a tan. Walking home only took a total of about seven minutes, so I wasn't too concerned about walking home by myself. I walked out of our shop and turned the corner as usual. There was a familiar smell of fresh rice cakes being baked and some kind of fried fish from across the street, as I walked through Chinatown. I arrived at the street at which I spotted the man a day earlier. I looked across the street to find that instead of the newspaper stand being occupied by the strange man, it was actually unoccupied and appeared rather lonely... I continued on with my journey home. The wind was unusually still as I walked on this street. There was absolutely no one walking on the street, which seemed a little strange and unusual. The only sign of human existence was a cashier in a store called "Wok Bok." Other than that, Kaneko Street was completely empty. Well besides that, and a car that was parked on my side of the street. It was a brand-new Lexus. Brand new. Like someone had just bought it that day. It was coated in a shiny black color that sparkled in the sunlight. The sun reflected the chrome metal rims into my eyes. I started in awe, then walked right on by.

As soon as the last speck of black left the corner of my eye, I heard a car door slam. It was pretty faint. Not a slam then, I suppose. It kind of sounded like the person who slammed the door didn't mean for it to be as loud as it was. I think that it actually surprised the both of us... Me and whoever decided to disturb the peace of Kaneko Street. I turned my head immediately at the sound of this slam. It was the man. The same man. Same coat, same shades, same //hat//. Everything. I felt the same. Same chill. Same nervousness. Same confusion. I turned back forward, and my heart raced faster and faster with each step that I took. I started to quicken my pace just incase the man tried to follow me. But as I checked back around, he didn't follow. He just took out a cigarette, lit it, and walked across the street to retrieve a newspaper like the day before. But something definitely did not feel right. I couldn't really put my finger on it, so I continued down the street and turned the corner home, just like I would have done on any other day.

That night, my entire family watched the news. It's a weird tradition, I know, but we watched the nine o'clock news every night. I suppose it's a good thing that we do it, because it keeps us informed and all, and sometimes it can be fun to hear about the latest sport victories, or the celebrity gossip. What happens is, we eat dinner at around 7:30 and talk about our day. Then, at around 8, we're all excused to go do homework, or take a shower, or whatever else we need to do... Then, at 9, my mom calls us all to the living room and we all watch the news. I'm usually only interested in the main story though, because it's usually really shocking and exciting. My sister is interested in the world news, and some political stuff. I on the other hand find all of that stuff extremely boring. Another reason we watch the news is because my Aunty is one of the news reporters. She does the weather report, in front of that cool screen that shows the islands in the background. One time when we were watching the news, Aunty was wearing a green bracelet, so whenever she pointed, a part of her wrist would be invisible... This made me and my sister go hysterical. We cracked up so much that night. The news station told my Aunty that she better not wear anything green anymore, because it shows up transparent on the screen.

So anyway, to get back to that night, when we were watching the news, I saw the main story. It was about a man who had killed an infant at home. That made me so mad. It showed the mother of the two year old boy crying her eyes out. I myself felt like crying, especially for that poor mother who lost her child. Then, a notice showed up saying that they were looking for the man who killed the boy. He was described as last being seen wearing a white coat with a white hat and dark shades. What!? //White coat? White hat? Dark shades?// Those words played back in my head thousands and thousands of times. I could not believe myself. I had just been eye to eye with a killer. //Twice.//

"I saw him!" I yelled. "WHAT?" My mom said, with big, glassy eyes. "Yeah... Aimee, remember? Two days ago? When we were walking home? There was a man wearing those exact same clothes..." "I don't remember... When did you see him?" My sister said. "On Kaneko Street! Don't you remember!? He was //right// across the street..." I affirmed. "Nope." Aimee replied.

//I knew that I saw him. I saw him twice, at that. How could I have not? I knew there was something up about him. But obviously nobody would have believed me. I mean, how often is it that someone spots a killer on the side of the street?//

I went to my dad and told him the entire story. He listened to me, and was patient. I even went into detail about the black lexus, and the newspaper stand. It was a really legitimate story, and I'm pretty sure that my dad got it. He even asked me if I was okay, and if I got hurt at all. "No." Was what I told him. No was right, but I was kind of in shock. I still couldn't grasp the fact that I had come even close to killer. All kind of things ran through my head, like //What if he hurt me? What could I have done? What if he tried to kill me?// I felt sick. I had to lay down on the couch. My dad just sat there and pondered for a second.

The next morning, my sister and I walked our normal route home. My heart was pounding like crazy, you wouldn't even know. I could barely feel my legs, that how nervous I was. All I could really do, was think of every single thing that could happen to me. //Maybe he'll try to kidnap my sister and I. Or maybe he'll have a drive by shooting and shoot me. What if he sneaks up behind?// As we approached Kaneko Street, I noticed that there was a police car parked exactly where the lexus was parked the day before. In front of the police car, the exact same way I saw it before, was the black lexus. With the same shiny black coat, and the same chrome rims. My heart skipped two beats. //Did they find him?//

I slowed down as I passed the police car, and looked inside. There he was.

His eyes weren't hidden with the dark sunglasses anymore. He looked kind of bare without glasses... Like a whole different person. At first I didn't recognize him. He glared at me with eyes that pierced right through mines. I broke eye contact as soon as it connected. For the second that our eyes met, I knew that he recognized me. His eyes told me that he wanted to hurt me so bad. I felt kind of at fault for his arrest, because my dad was the one that called the police the night before. He told the police the story that I had told him, word for word. Even the part about the lexus.

This summer was like no other. I told you how it happened, where it happened, when it happened... All of that. And for now, let me just leave you with the thought that it's something I will most likely remember for the rest of my life.

pau- finished, done ayi- Aunt in Chinese

HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN TRY TO ANSWER FOR ME ? - This story reveals that (topic) is (message about the topic).” Can the reader accurately fill in the missing information? - SSooo, I need help thinking of what this thing that happened to me is going to be.... ! :)

And the second one, I have no clue! Do you want something bad or good or just plain weird to happen to your character? -catalina p.s.: I like it =D Mainly your descriptions.
 * For the the first one, is the topic a stranger that intreges you?

I agree with catalina, your descriptions are very good. Maybe you could make the stranger do do something bad to Ali, like maybe you could have him kidnap her-that might be a little sad though. -stephy**