Raina-+Rough+Draft

//Pomai, you're not a real menehune. You have no magic. You do not belong to our ohana. You belong to no one. You are no one.// The swirling, ear-splitting voices engulfed Pomai, piercing her ears and her heart. //You do not belong. You are worthless. No magic. You are nothing.// Pomai tried to fight the voices, but these voices weren't that of her conscience. They were her family's, the people who loved her. Didn't they? Up until this moment, her family did what they were supposed to do: raised her, cared for her, nurtured her, but as her family, they weren't supposed to cast her out when she desperately needed them the most. Right? The darkness of this reality consumed Pomai as she realized that from the depths of her own horrifying nightmares, her own demon was born.

Pomaika'i was born and raised in La'iku, a menehune community nested in the trees of Kalihi Valley. The menehune of La'iku, recognized for their skilled craftsmanship in building heiaus and canoes, were swift, never seen by the eyes of any human. When the menehune first started giving the humans gifts of canoes or heiaus, the humans did not know who gave them these mysterious gifts. Menehunes, who enjoyed a good laugh just as much as they enjoyed giving, would always peer out from hiding places and watch the baffled humans when they would stumble upon their gifts. The humans were thankful and continued to receive these gifts graciously. Although the humans did not know who was responsible for these gifts, they were able to recognize that these gifts were magically built. So they would give the menehunes mai'a(bananas), a favorite food, and other fruits as offerings. After repetition followed tradition, and so the menehune took it upon themselves to always present the humans with hand crafted gifts.

Before Pomaika'i was born, it was destined that she would do great things and have endless potential. It would only be fitting that as the daughter of Maiele and Ha'aheo, La'iku's two prominent menehunes, she would be as skilled, successful, and influential in the community as they. For that reason, Maiele and Ha'aheo named her Pomaika'i, or blessed. Even before she came out of her mother's womb, this keiki had unrealistic expectations set for her. Once Pomai was born, her mother, Maiele, and father, Ha'aheo, had decided that once Pomai inherited her magical gifts before her 13th birthday, she would go to 'Imiloa, a school of which all prestigious menehune attend, like her father and mother.

Pomai's father's name is Ha'aheo, meaning haughty. Her father was just that. Ha'aheo would go around to all the other menehune and brag about his daughter. "My daughter is blessed," or "My daughter will be able to build a canoe by herself faster than 5 grown menehune can." All of La'iku heard Ha'aheo's nagging, but they put up with it. Until one day, he went to far. Ha'aheo was cutting down a tree to hollow a canoe out of when he proclaimed, "My daughter, Pomaika'i, will be able to build a canoe faster than the canoe god, Mokuali'i, will ever be able to." Mokuali'i, being a god, could hear Ha'aheo's blabbering and decided he would punish Ha'aheo by cursing Pomaika'i, preventing her from ever getting her powers.

For the first twelve years of her life, Pomai was raised as if she were higharchy. All the menehune respected her, thinking she would be all powerful, not knowing that she was cursed. This was not a good thing. Another thing Pomai was destined to inherit from her parents was their haughtiness and pilau attitude. Don't get mistaken. Pomai was an attention whore that demanded to be recognized if she did something "good", but in actuality, she was not a very good person. She had no real friends, and people only pretended to like her out of fear. The only person that would set her in her place was this one kane, Pakela, the son of the Kahu. Pomai always wondered why he was the only one who treated her like this since they would always throw verbal punches.

"Eh, Pakela. Try come, you stink toad," Pomai sneered one day. Ignoring her nickname for him, Pakela answered, "What you want, Pomai?" "Try stand here. There's all these bugs flying by me. I thought you might wanna try eat some, since stink toads like you think bugs are ono!" Pomai grinned smuggly. "Yeah, keep talking, Pomai. You so stupid. No wonder my dad wen' say you not going, 'Imiloa. It's cause you so stupid!" Pomai was confused after Pakela criticized her. She didn't understand what Pakela when he said she wasn't going to 'Imiloa. "Wait, what you talking 'bout, toad face?" Pomai asked. "Oh, nothing. Ribbit, ribbit." Pakela croaked. "No, it isn't nothing. What you mean, Pakela?" Pomai was worried, she knew something was up. "I jus heard my dad talk to the other priests. He was sayin that you ain't goin get your powers." "But my birthday is tomorrow, doodoo. I know I'm running late, but I get a little time. I am goin get them," her confused voice tried to assure him and herself. "No, you not! Mokuali'i don't like stink, ugly, pilau wahines like you. So you not gettin your powers." That hit Pomai hard. Not getting her powers? That was not an option for her. How could she not get her powers? What kind of daughter of Maiele and Ha'aheo would she be? She would be less than average, and she could not settle with that. Pomai stormed off, listening to Pakela laugh victoriously underneath her heavy, bitter foot stomps. She knew she had to go talk to the kahu.

Pomai searched for the kahu, checking the heiau, his hale, as well as the river, but he was no where to be found. Although discouraged by the fact that she could not find him, Pomai continued to search for the kahu to find the actual truth of the rumor. She found the kahu crouched over a baby lo'i planted on the top right lo'i terrace. He heard her bitter treading and greeted her with a warm smile. "Aloha, Pomaika'i. Come to cultivate lo'i today?" the genuine kahu conversed, his inviting eyes excreting comfort. "No, Kahu. I actually needta talk to you. Get some time to talk, or what?" Pomai barked at him. "Yes, I have some time as soon as I pull out this one baby lo'i right here. Do you see it?" The kahu gestured towards a small taro plant. Smaller than all the other plants, Pomai could tell it wasn't growing as fast as the others for some reason. "Do you see the two big lo'i surrounding it? Those two are its parents. It's overshadowing the keiki, preventing it from getting the right nutrition it needs from the sun. We need to move it. Would you like to help?" Pomai, irritated with his small talk, helped him loosen the wet mud surrounding the small taro plant, which allowed the root to come right out. With the lo'i in his hand, the kahu walked over to the left side of the terrace and found a clear spot. The kahu kneeled over the edge and started packing the lo'i in, "hopefully, the baby can grow better in this environment, where it can grow without its parents." Pomai instantly remembered what she originally came to talk to the kahu about and spared no time to get the truth. "Kahu, Pakela went tell me what you said. Can you explain? What you mean I not goin get my powers?" Pomai choked out as frustrated tears welled up in her eyes and stung it. She stubbornly fought them back. "Ahhhh, Pakela. Running his mouth again, I see. Well, you deserve to know the truth, Pomai." The kahu's warm smile faded and morphed into a serious look. He announced, "Sweetie, you aren't going to get your powers." "Why not? I don't get it..." Not used to rejection, Pomai couldn't support her fort of stubborness together anymore. A single tear streak toppled over the bottom lashes of her golden-speckled brown eyes and stained her pain and confused stricken face. "It's not your fault, sweetie. But there's nothing you can do about it." "What will my parents think? Gotta be a way. Why is dis happening? I don't understand at all." Pomai wasn't talking anymore, but her spoken words evaporated into whispers. "It's been this way since you were a keiki, still drinking milk from your mother's breast. It was around that time that your father, Ha'aheo, started bragging about how skilled you would be when you were grew up. It was around that time that your father, with his haughty characteristics, angered the god, Mokuali'i. It was around that time that Mokuali'i decided he would get revenge. It was around that time that Mokuali'i decided he would curse you, prevent you from getting your powers, to teach your father to be humble." Confused, Pomai questioned, "How come I get the blame? I get the junk part? I don't get it. It's not fair." "Nothing in the world is fair, Pomai. You are blessed, remember that. Even if you may never have extreme strength or extreme speed or invisibility, you still are blessed." "Kahu, I not blessed. I'm nothing if no more my powers. I'm s'posed to be powerful." "What can I do to help you?" the kahu offered. "Help me fix 'em, please?" Pomai pleaded. The kahu saw the anxiousness in her eyes and finally agreed, "All right. I can only give you advice. I can't do anything for you. You have to do it for yourself. Do you understand?" Pomai slowly nodded her head. "Keh, what you gotta to do is somehow convince Mokuali'i that you are deserving of your powers.' "How do I do that?" Pomai questioned. "You need to visit the god in his sacred resting place hidden beneath the Pali cliffs in Nu'uanu. I'm sure he's expecting your appearance, and no doubt will he set up tests for you along the way. Bring him one mai'a and offer 'em. Do you understand?" Pomai had never left the border's of La'iku by herself and the kahu had told her venture into a neighboring valley of unfamiliarity. //This is crazy//, Pomai thought to herself, but she understood this was necessary for her to get her powers and annouched her choice, "I will do it."

It was still the early morning, and Pomai figured she didn't have much time. After all, one day isn't enough time to try to achieve a miracle.

I liked the creativeness of the whole story, and how the reader gets to dive right into it. I also liked a lot of the dialogue in the story and how it really gets you into it. It is also very detailed and gives you all the information you need to draw a good picture in your mind. One thing you could work on is finishing the story, but so far its really good. The last sentence leaves you hanging and wanting more.