Mari's+Rough+Draft

Plane rides. I hate them. You sit there for hours fidgeting next to random strangers who take up too much space and snore, all you get is a pack of peanuts to eat, and don't even get me started about the seats; they're terrible. I've never understood why those seats are so uncomfortable. Its like the plane seat makers go out of their way to make it so that there is no possible way to get comfy. As if flying high above the ground and neck-breaking speeds doesn't make you uncomfortable enough. I've always had a kind of extreme phobia of plane rides, and also heights, so I wasn't exactly looking forward to getting onto some rickety old plane and flying over the Pacific Ocean for hours. But at the same time, I'd had enough. I mean, nothing good had come of coming here to Hawaii, the so-called paradise, and I was seriously wondering what I had thought would happen if I came here. That everyone would welcome me warmly, see past my differences, and we would all be friends? Or maybe I thought that I would flourish in my schoolwork and be the top student in the class? I don't know, but I do know that nothing even closely resembling those dreams happened.

My parents and I had decided at some point last year that I needed a better education, and that I wasn't going to get it down in the farmlands of Paducah, Kentucky. We'd started looking around for schools. When I say "we," I really just mean my mom, with my dad occasionally popping in his opinion. He, having been born and raised in Hawaii, had showed large preferences to those schools over everything else. My mother on the other hand, had wanted a religious school that would still prepare me well for college. Finally, they'd agreed on Sacred Hearts Academy, an all-girls high school (to their delight), in Hawaii, that was also a religious school, and from what we had read, was a good school with a strong education system. It had seemed like a perfect school; it would give me a substantial education, my parents both thought it was a quality school, and it was in Hawaii, the paradise isle. The only step left had been finding housing for me. Because even though they wanted me to get a better education, my parents weren't coming with me. They had to take care of my younger brother, Drew, and they had a company going in Kentucky. So, I needed to find somewhere to live while I was getting my education in Hawaii. But again, like perfect clockwork, things worked out. My father's brother, my uncle, and his family lived in Hawaii, as did his parents, my grandparents. Both of them were willing to take care of me. My aunt and uncle even lived close by to Sacred Hearts. I decided to live with my aunt, uncle and cousins during the weekdays. I wanted to be around people my age, like my cousins. It seemed too good to be true. I was actually going to live in Hawaii.

I thought back on that as I sat in the terminal waiting to board the plane back to Kentucky: about my decision to come to Hawaii, and how excited I had been. I didn't especially want to think about it, but since there was no one else around to talk to, and the nearest food place was much further than I cared to walk, I sat there and wondered. How had things gone so wrong? They had been so perfect to begin with. My hopes had been high, and the future looked bright for once, maybe a yellowy color instead of that dull gray color I so often see it as.

I'd come to Hawaii in a rush, giving my parents a quick hug before I hurried on to the plane. The hours literally, flew by, in my eagerness to get to Hawaii. I was so excited I almost didn't remember I was thousands of feet in the air. Almost. The plane's bumpy landing brought me back to my senses, and I got my bags and headed towards the exit. I walked out the automatic doors, and the first thing I noticed was the heat. Kentucky was hot in the summer, but this heat was different. The heat back in Kentucky was heavy, like a blanket of heat. Hawaii's heat seemed to come beaming down from the sun. I liked it. The second thing that I noticed was that my entire family in Hawaii was waiting there for me. My grandma, grandpa, aunty, uncle and all my cousins were there. They welcomed me with open arms, and gave me everything I needed. I had my own room and everything in both houses, and my cousins treated me like another sibling. But I'd barely had time to settle into the houses, when school started. I have never been good at making friends. It's just a weakness I have. Some people don't like to eat vegetables. I don't like making friends. It's just a whole awkward phase that I don't like to be put through. Like back at home, I only had a few friends, and they were my friends from when I was little. Our parents were friends, so we just grew up together. So I wasn't really looking forward to have to start out in a new school without any friends. But I was new, and I was from Kentucky. I figured they must like me if only for those reasons. Doesn't everyone want to be friends with the kid from a different place? Apparently not, because when I walked into school that morning, in my maroon plaited skirt, and white, ironed shirt with the Sacred Hearts seal on the right pocket, nobody acknowledged my presence. I wandered around the entire day by myself, and for the rest of the week, and the weeks after that. I not only struggled with my social life, but also with my academics. My teachers would constantly ask me if I understood the concepts. I struggled with the large amounts of homework. The other girls all knew that I was the "dumb" one in the class, and I hated the conspicuous failure. Each week I told myself that I was still adjusting to the new school and that the next week I would make friends. But each week would have the same results: a struggling social life, and a small understanding of the concepts taught in class. After two months of alienation and feeling completely unintelligent, however, I decided to finally do something about it. I decided to go and sit next to a group of fairly popular girls at lunch one day. It was a huge mistake. "Um, excuse me. Who do you think you are?" the girl who was obviously the leader questioned. Immediately the cafeteria fell silent. Everyone's eyes were on us. I stammered, "Oh, hey, my name is Halley." I was confused and a bit scared. Had I insulted them in some way? "Well I don't care who you are, why are you sitting with us?" she retorted angrily. Her friends were all glaring at me, and giving each other looks over their shoulders. "I'm sorry," I said apologetically, "I didn't mean to cause ya'll any trouble." I figured the best way to solve this argument was to take the blame, and them move away quietly. However, she didn't seem to want to let it go that easily. "That's right, you're sorry. You'd better be. And don't even think of ever coming back and sitting down," she barked. "And what's with the weird accent huh? Do you think you're cool having it? Huh, do you?" Shocked and embarrassed, I sat there, feeling my cheeks warm, and my face flush. I couldn't think of anything to say: my mind was blank with shock. "Well what are you still doing here? Move!" I didn't need to be told twice.

I looked at the T.V. screen in the terminal that blinked the time of the plane departure, and the current time. It was almost 4:30. The incidence in the cafeteria had only happened 5 hours ago, but it felt like much longer. I yawned and rubbed my eyes; they were still puffy and red from the tears of shame I cried while I ran home. I'd cried as I'd sloppily packed my bags, as I counted the money I had saved up, and while I had written a short note to my aunt and uncle, thanking them for their generosity, and to come visit me in Kentucky. I'd then called a taxi to take me to the airport, and bought a one-way ticket back to Kentucky, then gone and sat in the terminals to wait for my flight.

And that's where I was now. Sitting and waiting for the plane to take me home, back to where I belonged. But now, out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of maroon. I turned and saw my cousin, Rachel, walking towards me, still in her school uniform. She also went to Sacred Hearts, but she was a few years younger than me, only in 6th grade. My confusion in seeing her must have shown on my face, because she smiled and explained, "I found your note, I figured you'd be here if anywhere. I was just hoping you hadn't already left." "Look Rachel, I'm not staying here, so if you're just here to convince not to go, then you can give it up," I told her. I was in no mood to be persuaded and lectured. "I'm not going to try to convince you," she assured me, "I just want to know why you're leaving. I always thought of you as a fighter. You wanted a better education, so you fought for it. You moved to Hawaii so that you could have a future. You tried so hard to do well in all your classes. And now because of something one girl says, you're going to give up? It just doesn't seem like you." I was stumped. What could I say? That I wasn't that girl anymore? Because even to me, that sounded like a pretty lame excuse. I sat there thinking. Rachel was right, who was that girl to make me feel inferior. I should have fought back, and kept going. I looked over at her and she smiled quietly at me. I thought about how it was still going to be tough going if I stayed, but it would pay off. And how I could just leave right now, and leave this place, and go back home to Kentucky. Then I came to a conclusion. And I turned to her, picked up my bags, and told her, "Come on Rachel, lets go home."

_ - Is my story original, yet believable? _ - Is there a clear conflict? _ - Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Does the reader maintain interest? _ - Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? _ - Does the story flow clearly and logically?