catalina

About Me: Hi! I'm Catalina and I like to do normal things like listen to music and other similar things. Yay! The end.

My Story:

Part 1 I heard a faint beeping noise that was strangely familiar and a shouting coming from down the hall. Slowly, the beeping would grow louder, and the shouts would, too. Eventually I could understand what the shouts meant, and that the beeping was more like a horn. "Natalie Lynne Mason! You’re late again!" It was my mother. "What time is it?" I asked sleepily. I'm not much of a morning person. Everyone and everything is annoying you and you get mad very fast. Also, you do things you wouldn’t normally do. For example, last weekend I apparently told my mom I was going to wash the dishes, but when I’m awake I would never agree to such chores. "It’s 7:45 and you’re still in bed! Get up or you’re not going to that party tonight," my mother yelled. With a threat like that I flew out of my bed and pushed my mom out the room in order to get dressed. I didn’t have enough time to take a shower, but thank goodness I take one every night before bed. I couldn’t do anything with my hair so I pulled it into a high ponytail and flew to the kitchen for a quick piece of toast. I was invited to Ryan Wilson’s party, the guy I like the most. Of course, everyone that mattered is going, if I didn’t go to this party it would be killer on my social life. It was either the party or hanging out with my old friends, which for some reason they're acting really strange around me now. They say I'm hanging out with other different people and leaving them behind. I mean, I have other friends. They're just jealous that I'm going to Ryan Wilson's house party while they're having a sleepover. It's for Emily's birthday, my bestfriend since 4th grade. I was supposed to go but then I was invited to the other one and, well, I'm just sure they would do the same thing. Suddenly I smell something burning and the air going through the light from the window is strangely gray and cloudy. I quickly turn to the toaster and see my breakfast turn black. It seems like I turned the toaster up too high, until my little sister runs out from behind the counter and starts laughing. As I run after her she looks back and runs to her room, locking herself inside. I remember my toast and run back down to the kitchen, and as I walk into the room to my right is the microwave and the time seems to read 8:12. I try and see if I can slip another couple slices of bread into the toaster and throw away the old ones, but my mom walks into the room. "No time for breakfast, sweetie. You're going to be late," says my mom. I end up going to school with an empty stomach and realize that there is a very important test going on that morning, and dumb me forgot to study. When I walk into the school I see girls from a lower grade gossiping amongst each other. They look in my direction, giggle, and break up when I start to stare at them. On my way to class one of the girls are in front of me, and I study her. Her walk is a little too confident, and she swings her hips too far out. Her skirt is too long and her shirt too baggy. Hasn't she ever read a fashion magazine? Ryan Wilson was walking my way. I quickly adjust my clothing and check my breath; minty as usual. "Oh god," I whisper to myself, "what is he doing walking around? He should be in class, oh my goodness. Why am I freaking out? I should just play it cool, be casual. Just give him a cute grin and be on your way." I flash him a smile and play with my hair. All seems to go well until I feel a jerk at my foot and I find myself falling forward. Around me on the floor I see tons of paper, and some still flying through the air without a care. Of course they aren't the one that made a fool out of themselves. I look at my feet and see that I tripped over a recycling bin. One of the papers floating down caught my eye because it was a note written in bright red ink. I grab it and start to read it, but then I stop when I see my name, Natalie Lynne Mason, scrawled ontop. I quickly jam it into my purse and lay their quietly until I know Ryan has left. But, instead of leaving, he walks over and sticks his hand out for me to grab it. While he helps me up, and asks me if I'm okay, I reply with a quick yes and run away, blushing and fixing my hair all the way to class. When I get to History, my worst and least favorite subject, I'm ten minutes late and some packets were just being passed out. The test! I completely forgot to look over my notes on the way to school. I guess there's really no hope for me getting an A on this one. I sit in the back of the classroom, behind Willie George, a large boy who is currently suffering from a severe case of the common cold. Slowly I reach into my purse and seek the note that was for me, but for some reason the writer decided against. Once I find the wrinkled paper, I wrap my hand around it and wait for Willie to sneeze, cough, something so I can whip out the paper without anyone hearing. I wait for about five seconds until Willie gets his morning cough attack and is forced to go to the nurse for a cough drop. I wait for Wille to come back, so he can shield me from the eyes of the teacher. Once he arrives, he sets down a single cough drop onto the desk and continues his test. One cough drop? He needs to buy the entire cough drop factory and hirenew workers to manufacture him some menthol jawbreakers. I chuckle quietly at the thought of it, until the teacher looks at me and I'm forced to turn it into the most convincing cough I can manage. She buys it and sit's down at her desk and writes down some notes, I think. However, she gets up and walks toward me with the infamous pink piece of paper. She was sending me to the nurse for a cough drop. I fake another cough and grab my purse and the note and walk out the door. The halls were sad and lonely at the time, but I used that time to read the note. It read: "Dear Natalie Lynne Mason, I don't know where to begin. I guess I should start with 7th grade, the day I first say you. You were gorgeous, and I was hyponized. Still am, actually. Right to this very day. You most likely don't know who I am, but that's all my fault. I am too shy to say anything to you. Hopefully I'll get the chance, or the courage to do so. Maybe. Your four year admirer, K.A.E."

Part 2 The day goes by slowly and is excruciatingly boring after first period, with the exception of lunch. Since I didn't eat breakfast, I jump into line immediately. I grab the most unhealthy foods as possible, because was upset for most likely failing my test. After I buy my food I make my way to my new table. Emily is sitting at my old table and is waving me over, but I pretend not to see her and head over to Fiona Richards table. She’s flawless. She has platinum blonde hair and big, bright green eyes. All the guys like her, and they'd be crazy not to. She used to date Ryan but something happened, and I'm not really sure what though, she doesn't like to talk about it. I sit down quietly on the one empty seat next to Genevieve Deary, the school gossip. "You're going to Ryan's party, right?" asked Genevieve "Of course, why?" I reply "Well, I heard that Emily girl's birthday party is at the same time, I thought you would go to it, considering I heard you friends with her," Genevieve says while rolling her eyes. "Oh, no I'm definately going to Ryan's." I assure her. "Okay good! This party is going to be so cool!" While I sit there eating my food, I notice someone behind me whispering something quickly into Genevieve's ear. The reaction on her face is insane, I never knew people's mouths could get so big. The person laughs and says something like "What is she thinking? Is she insane?" Suddenly Genevieve turns to me and has a worried look on her face, and says "Bad news, Natalie." "What is it? What's going on?" I ask in a rushed tone. "Your little friend Emily is going to the party tonight!" "You're joking. You've got to be!" I say surprisedly. What //is// she thinking? "I am completely serious! It's crazy, I know. Apperantly she said you are such a fake friend, and she'll show you who's boss by going to the party and like, totally embarass you and steal your friends! I'm so sorry!" Genevieve whispers to me loudly. "No, no! She wouldn't say something like that," I am positive she would not say something like that. She was my friend, she would never show up to that party and do those things. Would she? "I'm sorry, but my sources never lie," Genevieve was convinced, I could tell.

After school I went to Fiona's house with all my new friends to get ready for the party. We all decided to wear dresses, and mine was white with details of pink and yellow daisys along the bottom hem which was about 3 inches about my knees. I curled my hair and made sure to not mess up on my make-up. Together, we all looked fabulous, and we went outside to get into Fiona's new white BMW that she got on her 15th birthday last year. When we got to Ryan's place the party had already started and I headed straight for the kitchen looking for something to eat. I haven't eaten since lunch and it was 8 PM. While I stand in the kitchen eating pretzels and sipping a Coke, I hear steps behind me. I turn around and see Ryan staring straight at me and smiling. He furrowed his brow and asked "How're you feeling?" "Fine, kinda hungry, why wouldn't I be feeling okay?" I ask back. "Well you did sort of fall on your face this morning.." Why did he have to remember that? "Oh, yeah. I'm better, it didn't really hurt, just scared me a little," I say quietly. I think I'm even blushing. Ryan laughs, I'm sure he thinks I'm stupid. Suddenly my stomach starts to feel funny, like instead of butterflies, there are eagles. Big fat angry eagles, fighting in my stomach. "Do you need to lie down? You're looking a little paler than usual," He asks with genuine consern. "No, I don't think so," I say. I try walking to the living room but I suddenly feel dizzy, but I didn't when I was just standing there. I lose my balance and have to lean against the wall in order to catch balance again. "Woah, I think you need to lie down. Here, I'll take you to my room to lay on my bed," He held out his hand, like he did earlier today, and I grabbed it. When we came to his room it was full of football pictures, a couple family vacation photos, and a few posters of women posing on motorcycles tacked onto his wall. His bed was surprisingly soft, and I didn't realize I was tired until my head hit the pillow. "I'll come back in 10 minutes to check on you, okay? Please don't feel bad, it's a party," He says with that killer smile of his. I try to respond but all I can do is nod. Once he left, I closed my eyes and heard the bass through the floors and felt the vibrations through the mattress. I roll over onto my side and clutch my knees, trying to ease the nausea. I try to disctract myself so I open my eyes and find myself staring at a girl sitting on some race car. I close my eyes again and find myself going back to sleep. Before I know it the door creaks open and Ryan whispers, "Natalie? Natalie are you asleep?" I roll over and come face to face with Ryan Wilson himself. I forget my queeziness and smile. "Not anymore," I say happily. "Oh, sorry for waking you up," "It's okay," I assure him. I sit up and scoot over to make room for him to talk. I pat the part of the bed next to me and he sits back and puts his hands behind his head. "So, are you feeling better?" He asks while looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I do I look pale?" I ask while looking up at the ceiling, too. I studied the stokes of the paint until I found an image, what seemed to look like a trashcan. "You look beautiful," He says quietly and turns to look at my face. I just stare back at him, trying to read his eyes, trying to see if he was joking. Apperantly he wasn't, because he is starting to lean towards my face, and before I know it, he's kissing me. I try to pull back but his grip on my neck was tight. Too tight, actually. I try again but then he holds on harder. I can't breathe, and I try to push him off. Why won't he let go? He pins me down, and suddenly a wave of panic goes through me, starting at my head and quickly spreading to my feet. It feels like burning, yet chilly at the same time. I try to get out from under him but he won't stop. Finally I break free and roll off the bed and head towards the door. He grabs me by my shoulder and swings me around to face him. "Where are you going? I was just getting started," He says in the most innocent voice he can manage. Disgusted, I turn around again and reach for the doorknob but he swings me around and slams me against the wall. Suddenly, I am powerless and defenseless. I try in everyway possible to get him to let me go. I try and hit him but my fights are like throwing teddy bears against lions, they just get ripped to shreds, and it's all pointless. I slap him as hard as I can but it didn't do anything to my benefit. All it did was make him more upset and he threw me against his dresser and a vase fell from it, hit my head and everything went blank.

Downstairs, Emily was just arriving and she could hardly make it through the croud. She needed to talk to Natalie, and quick. She needed to talk to her about how it's okay how Natalie couldn't make it to her party, and how she understands that she is making more friends. Overall, just not to worry about it and to enjoy her party. She really missed Natalie, but she couldn't go on without making it official. She asked around but everyone just ignored her, so she went into the kitchen, but all there was was a drunk kid from her French class and some girl she didn't know. She followed the stairs heading up, to check up there. She knocked on all the doors and most were occupied by random, drunken hook-ups. A few rooms she heard nothing and she decided to check in those. On the last room at the end of the hall she heard some fumbling and mumbled curses. She creaked open the door and peaked around, and saw Natalie slouched in the corner, and not moving. Emily gasped and out of no where Ryan came and tried to push her out the door. "What happened to her?" Emily asks in horror. "She fell," Ryan says while shutting the door and locking it. Desperate, Emily looks around looking for something to break down the door. She runs around looking for something to knock down the door but finds nothing. She tries and kick it but she's not strong enough so she tries her luck downstairs. She asks around for someone strong and not too busy. She spots Kyle Ericson, a family friend, and brings him upstairs to get him to help.

In the end, Kyle breaks down the door and Emily takes Natalie downstairs and grabs some water on the way out for Natalie, just incase. They talk and Natalie finally realizes what she was doing to her friends, her real friends, and she stops pretending and celebrates Emily's birthday the next weekend.

Questions: Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Does the reader maintain interest?

anddddd

I need a good way to end it. I have the idea (the last paragraph), only I'm not sure how to write it out.


 * Kaaay, so this is a really good story :) I was pretty much interested throughout the story, so for your first question, I don't think that you need to worry... As for the second part, I like the whole idea for your ending, and... I don't know, maybe elaborate on the talk that they have in the end and go into detail about how she's sorry and learned her lesson, and that kind of thing? haha I'm not sure. But I really like your actually story! Just the ending maybe needs some work. - Codi**