Willie's+rough+draft

My brother was my hero. I trailed him everywhere, no matter what. Even when he had chicken pox I followed him around the house and got them myself. Imagine a train, an engine plus the caboose, that was us. During Halloween, I insisted on being Winnie the Pooh just like him. No matter how hard he tried to get away, I shadowed him yelling "POOOH, POOH" so loud my mom rushed me to the bathroom. He has a massive overbite and said that it was cool. I always thought I had a stupid mouth. I always tried to be nice to my brother. The only problem was that he was older and ahead of me in life. By the time he played baseball on a team, I was hitting waffle balls two feet with my dad. I did nice things for him even when I didn't need to. I remember we shared a lot of our toys. I was playing with one of our action figures. My brother wanted to play with it so I gave it to him, even though I still wanted to play. Later I asked him if I could play with it and he said no. My relationship with him was a one-way cycle. I give it to him and it stayed there. Before I went to school I had five friends. Josh, Justin, Grant, Max, and my brother. Andrew being my senior went to school two years before me. He had his own friends while he was also a friend with everyone I knew and liked. It was hard for me, because when you are little and you don't go to school, and you're not very social, and you don't play any sports it is hard to make friends. Josh, Justin, and Grant all went to the same church as my brother and I. We all went to Beverly Hills Pres. church. I was the youngest out of all of us their, so while they went to the "big boy" Sunday school, I was stuck in the little kid one. The big one was in the basement and had a ping-pong table and couches. The one I was in had a fake kitchen and dolls. I was one of the oldest ones there, and wanted to be in the other one with everyone else I knew. I'm sure I actually had some friends in the littler Sunday School, but since I was the only one there that I know today I can't say. If you have ever been a kid, you know that you have this notion that everything should be fair in the world. I believed it unfair that I was alone in Sunday School, making my feeling of exclusion all the worse. I guess I had a lot of jealousy towards my brother and that is one of the reasons we grew apart. Honestly, I guess I can't really say we grew apart, due to one fact. We were never really friends. This probably sounds weird to you, but it makes sense to me. Looking back on everything I realize that my brother took advantage of me during my life. I looked up to him for reasons unknown, but he was never really nice to me. It started at a very young age actually. My brother said his first sentence on the day I came back from the hospital. When my dad told me his sentence, I couldn't forget it. "Take the baby back." That was it. The first day I got home he already wanted me gone. That feeling he had was one that continued on in our life. I watched a home video a while back of me and my brother playing in our backyard. We had these two play cars with swiveling wheels and a hole in the bottom, so you could put your feet down and move (like the Flintstone's car). In the movie I was being pushed in one of the cars, a big red one with stickers for tail and headlights, it even had a door that opened and closed. While I was being pushed I was holding a bat in my hand. My brother came from right in front of me, took the bat and threw it away from me. Then ran away. He was never nice to me but I couldn't notice until now, looking back on it. Well, every Sunday after church I would run around trying to find my brother and my three other friends. It was a hard thing to do. The church had a playground, a sanctuary, the basement I mentioned earlier, a room where my Sunday school took place, and a room where a younger group of children had Sunday school. When I found them, normally outside of the church or in the basement we would play hide and seek, and of course I was always the seeker first. The only places they would go would be the playground the sanctuary and outside. The playground was a pretty good one. It didn't have sand on the ground, but instead had woodchips. There was also this fake train in which you could play in. It was a pretty big playground, so it was hard to find them there. The sanctuary was very big also. It had over forty rows of benches, just the right height so a kid around our age could sneak under. Outside was the hardest place of all. There were so many people maneuvering could get hard. It would take forever for me to find them due to the many good hiding spots. What made it worse was they all hid together so I would always be alone while looking for them. We normally only had time for one round, so I almost never got to hide. Not only did my brother know all of my friends, they seemed to like him better in my opinion. This isn't me thinking the world is against me, they really did. I have this one cousin who is a grade between my brother and me. He would always do what my brother did. We went to McDonald's, my brother ordered a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger, and he ordered a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger. He was into my brother so much if he didn't get the same toy, he would go to the counter and ask for the same one. It was as if he didn't have a mind of his own, he obeyed the almighty king. A mean king who excluded me in his quests. I remember one day, my cousin and his mom drove five hours just to visit us. My brother and cousin both went into my brother's room to play. When I asked to come in my brother said no. My cousin was so into my brother he even put toothpaste and hair gel on my grandma's pillow when my brother told him to. I'm not saying he was stupid or anything; he just had no mind of his own. If my brother weren't around he would do what I asked of him. But if it came down to the choice of my brother or me I always ended up with a silver medal. At the time, there was only one friend I had that didn't go to our church. Max was the son of my mom's friend, so of course my brother and I knew him. He was the only friend I had that was younger than me so I got the feeling he liked me better than my brother. My brother always came with me when I went to his house though. It seemed I never really go to hang out with alone. I still remember in my first year of school, Max had a sleepover birthday party (I didn't call it a slumber party because that sounds kind of gay). He invited people from the school we both went to. The only person who came who wasn't in our grade was my brother. It seemed wherever I went in life my brother was there waiting. Heck, he was friends with people I didn't even know he knew. There was this one kid in my class, Jamie. We were friends; I went over to his house a couple of time to play his n64. Well he apparently played tennis with my brother. One day after coming home from his house my brother told me that Jamie liked him better. Of course he was joking, but I didn't get. He told me that they played tennis together, and Jamie thought I was kind of lame. This is the second time that I can remember that my brother drove to tears by talking to me about friends. The first was when he excluded me from his room with my cousin. My first real good friend that I made became my best friend for years after. Thinking back on it, our relationship started nearly exactly the same as my brother and mine. The only difference was me. His name was Oliver; we were in the same class at school for five years. During my first year at school he seemed to follow me during recess. My school had this jungle gym that was in the middle of a giant sandbox. I tended to spend my time on the jungle gym where Oliver would normally follow me to. There was also a big grassy field, right next to the pavement with some basketball courts and a handball wall. Some other kids and I used to play Pokémon on the grass field. We would run around shouting attacks and other things, which I don't feel like saying. Well Oliver would just walk behind us. I thought Oliver was just some weird kid at the time, just like my brother most likely thought of me. He followed me around the playground, just like I tried to do things just like my brother. The two differences were me compared to my brother, and that Oliver was way creepier than I was towards my brother. My teacher probably noticed our relationship and told our parents. The following week my mom forced me to go over to his house for a play-date. He wasn't so weird at his house and I got to know him and he was pretty cool, but still very creepy. And so, I got my first very own best friend who had no idea I had a brother.

Feedback: I like your story. It is very easy to relate to, because I also have an older brother who seemed like he hated me. I would go back and edit because there are a few grammatical errors. I would also give a little more description about your relationship with Oliver and make a little more of a conclusion/ending because it kind of just ends on one sentence. -Taylor